The Sex Ed College Students Are Missing

Navigating Dorm Room Sex, Testing on Campus, and College Hook Ups

College is marked by increased freedom, new relationships, and greater responsibility than ever before. For many young adults, this includes a wave of questions about sex and intimacy that they’ve never had to answer before. As a sex educator working with university students, I’m flooded with these real, vulnerable questions every semester.

Most students aren’t seeking answers to obscure or niche topics. Instead, they’re asking fundamental questions about pleasure, safety, and communication that were never fully addressed in their high school health class. They’re also wondering how to navigate topics unique to their on-campus experience, such as STI testing, maintaining privacy, and how to speak up when something doesn’t feel right.

Why College Needs Unique Sex Ed

Most people receive their last formal sex education sometime around middle or high school, and it often focuses narrowly on reproduction, anatomy, and disease prevention. That leaves a considerable gap when it comes to the emotional, practical, and interpersonal aspects of sex.

For many students, college is the first time they’re living away from home, managing their own healthcare, and navigating sexual relationships with more autonomy than ever before. When visiting campus, I am often pulled aside by a shy student with a vulnerable question or a small group of friends asking me to set the record straight on a prevalent sex myth.

Common Questions I Hear From College Students:

• "Why does it hurt when I have sex?"
• "I’m being ghosted after a hookup. Did I do something wrong?"
• “What do I do when I need private time in shared spaces?"
• “Does everyone bleed during their first time?”
• "How do I ask my partner to use condoms?"
• "They gave me an STI and blamed me. What now?"

These are not fringe cases, but many students feel alone in their confusion. The shame students carry around these questions is a direct result of a system that prioritized fear over understanding. A lack of resources available to them may lead them to turn to social media searches, which are often inundated with misinformation and bias. Students deserve evidence-based information that fills these gaps and aligns with common experiences unique to this phase of adulthood.

What’s Missing From Traditional Sex Ed

1. Pleasure: Most students have never been taught that sex should feel good for everyone involved. I regularly explain the basics of arousal versus desire and why being "wet" or "hard" isn’t the only indicator a partner likes what you’re doing.
2. Privacy & Boundaries: Students are navigating roommates, communal bathrooms, or a lack of private time. A common theme involves sexual hygiene when living with others, including how to clean and store toys, dispose of condoms, and manage bodily fluids.
3. Consent: Teens and young adults are still learning how to recognize and communicate their boundaries, especially when alcohol is involved. Students deserve nuanced discussions on how consent is given and received beyond memorizing a definition.
4. STI Stigma & Testing: Although many students recognize the importance of getting tested, there is still significant stigma surrounding the disclosure of results and navigating treatment. Myths about STI symptoms or moral assignments persist, largely due to how vulnerable students may feel navigating this alone. Many students I teach are surprised to learn that the most common symptom is no symptom at all!
5. Sexual Identity & Exploration: Many students explore queerness, kink, or fluidity for the first time in college, but lack guidance on how to do so safely and affirmingly. Health programs on campus may also neglect the unique needs of LGBTQ students regarding STI education and prevention, such as dental dams or PrEP.

What We Should Be Teaching Instead

College students deserve more than diagrams and scare tactics. They need:

• Clear, shame-free information about the importance of pleasure for all involved
• Practical strategies for communicating with partners, roommates, and providers
• Normalization of solo sex and exploration
• Scripts and prompts to practice setting boundaries
• Encouragement to explore their identity safely without fear

And most importantly, they need permission to ask questions without judgment.

Want to Hear These Questions Answered?

I cover all of this and more in my episode: "College Sex Ed You Didn’t Get but Definitely Need" — including stories from real students, practical advice, and zero judgment.

Watch or listen to the full episode here and share it with someone who needs it.

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Birna Gustafsson is a sex educator and public health advocate who teaches at the university level. Through her podcast, workshops, and writing, she breaks down sexual health with clarity and compassion.